Something in Matt's words struck a chord with him and Kurt's heart ached for his brother. "I understand that. More than you can imagine." His jaw tightened as he bit down on his back teeth.
"I love what I do and I genuinely do believe I'm doing the most good here rather than being out there on the front lines. But it's hard, you know? Being relegated to the sidelines, knowing your brothers and sisters are out there possibly dying because you're not there to have their backs." Pain threaded its way through Kurt's voice as he confessed that. "Knowing you could be doing something and striking back at the Covenant in some physical and tangibly satisfying way. But ONI had different plans for all of us."
The brunette broke off suddenly and paused for a moment to make sure there was no listening ears nearby. "I haven't worn my MJOLNIR in over two decades and honestly? These days, I don't even feel like Kurt-051 anymore, it's like Kurt Ambrose has consumed him completely and that's all I am." That was something he'd kept inside his head for so long, something he couldn't confide even in Mendez. But he knew Matt would understand what he was saying and what he felt.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-02-08 08:41 pm (UTC)Something in Matt's words struck a chord with him and Kurt's heart ached for his brother. "I understand that. More than you can imagine." His jaw tightened as he bit down on his back teeth.
"I love what I do and I genuinely do believe I'm doing the most good here rather than being out there on the front lines. But it's hard, you know? Being relegated to the sidelines, knowing your brothers and sisters are out there possibly dying because you're not there to have their backs." Pain threaded its way through Kurt's voice as he confessed that. "Knowing you could be doing something and striking back at the Covenant in some physical and tangibly satisfying way. But ONI had different plans for all of us."
The brunette broke off suddenly and paused for a moment to make sure there was no listening ears nearby. "I haven't worn my MJOLNIR in over two decades and honestly? These days, I don't even feel like Kurt-051 anymore, it's like Kurt Ambrose has consumed him completely and that's all I am." That was something he'd kept inside his head for so long, something he couldn't confide even in Mendez. But he knew Matt would understand what he was saying and what he felt.